The Language of Cooperation
The language of cooperation is an important art that helps build and maintain healthy relationships that are critical for conveyance of technical ideas and execution of corporate projects. To enable cooperative language fluency, the cooperative attitude must originate in the mind. This involves acknowledging that we need others in order to accomplish workplace goals and for healthy workplace functioning. It also involves accepting that while we may be experts, very good at our jobs and potentially great leaders:
-we may not have all the answers – or the best answers,
-we may not produce the only valid strategies and tactics
-there are many different sensible ways of doing things.
When the attitude of cooperation is clear in the mind, then the appropriate words, the tone and the gestures will usually follow more naturally.
To communicate cooperatively, it helps to establish quality contact with other people. Good contact is often overlooked and undervalued, especially when we are in a hurry or are preoccupied with other things. We may use our default greetings and not listen to or really take-in the answers, etc. This can be okay if our priorities dictate hurried or broken contact with others and if we are aware that this is happening. However, when we are in the workplace and are exchanging ideas, executing a plan, operating within a team or seeing a client, then skipping over the delicate process of establishing quality contact could cause a person to feel frustrated and dissatisfied. In order to have good contact with the other, we can first check-in with ourselves, note how we are feeling and share this appropriately and clearly to the other person.
Another characteristic of cooperative language is taking the time to listen to the other person and letting what he or she says actually register. Paraphrasing or feeding-back to a person is a great way to ensure that we have heard them and it demonstrates to that person a respectful act of listening. Giving space for someone to speak and share their ideas is a nourishing and valuable gift.
When speaking, we elicit collaborative interest when we offer our opinions rather than mandate directives. If we describe problems, situations or matters and stick to knowing our own experiences we can attract other people. Whereas when we judge we usually repel others. A relatively soft and assertive tone can be an invitation for further discussion and collaboration. Harsh tones can trigger defensiveness in others and inadvertently shut-down effective communication pathways. We can demonstrate responsibility for our actions, feelings and opinions by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements.
Lastly, if a misunderstanding occurs, we can offer a clarification and/or an apology – even if we are not “wrong”. “Right” and “wrong” are often a matter of opinion and are moot points when people feel offended or upset. “Sorry” or “I apologise” are phrases that are very powerful and can be simple to say, if we are not ashamed or afraid to show vulnerability. When we issue sincere apologies we are usually able to re-engage and carry-on productively. Failing to acknowledge a misunderstanding can result in strained future communications.
There are many dialects in the language of cooperation. The key is honest intent. We can experiment with our articulation, incorporate some of the ideas mentioned in this article and develop our own cooperative shoptalk. Ultimately people and organisations will 1) respond better when they hear and utilise cooperative language, 2) achieve more goals and 3) feel more satisfied.
-we may not have all the answers – or the best answers,
-we may not produce the only valid strategies and tactics
-there are many different sensible ways of doing things.
When the attitude of cooperation is clear in the mind, then the appropriate words, the tone and the gestures will usually follow more naturally.
To communicate cooperatively, it helps to establish quality contact with other people. Good contact is often overlooked and undervalued, especially when we are in a hurry or are preoccupied with other things. We may use our default greetings and not listen to or really take-in the answers, etc. This can be okay if our priorities dictate hurried or broken contact with others and if we are aware that this is happening. However, when we are in the workplace and are exchanging ideas, executing a plan, operating within a team or seeing a client, then skipping over the delicate process of establishing quality contact could cause a person to feel frustrated and dissatisfied. In order to have good contact with the other, we can first check-in with ourselves, note how we are feeling and share this appropriately and clearly to the other person.
Another characteristic of cooperative language is taking the time to listen to the other person and letting what he or she says actually register. Paraphrasing or feeding-back to a person is a great way to ensure that we have heard them and it demonstrates to that person a respectful act of listening. Giving space for someone to speak and share their ideas is a nourishing and valuable gift.
When speaking, we elicit collaborative interest when we offer our opinions rather than mandate directives. If we describe problems, situations or matters and stick to knowing our own experiences we can attract other people. Whereas when we judge we usually repel others. A relatively soft and assertive tone can be an invitation for further discussion and collaboration. Harsh tones can trigger defensiveness in others and inadvertently shut-down effective communication pathways. We can demonstrate responsibility for our actions, feelings and opinions by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements.
Lastly, if a misunderstanding occurs, we can offer a clarification and/or an apology – even if we are not “wrong”. “Right” and “wrong” are often a matter of opinion and are moot points when people feel offended or upset. “Sorry” or “I apologise” are phrases that are very powerful and can be simple to say, if we are not ashamed or afraid to show vulnerability. When we issue sincere apologies we are usually able to re-engage and carry-on productively. Failing to acknowledge a misunderstanding can result in strained future communications.
There are many dialects in the language of cooperation. The key is honest intent. We can experiment with our articulation, incorporate some of the ideas mentioned in this article and develop our own cooperative shoptalk. Ultimately people and organisations will 1) respond better when they hear and utilise cooperative language, 2) achieve more goals and 3) feel more satisfied.